The past three weeks have been a roller coaster. Between trying to get my calcium levels managed, having horrible stomach issues, feeling like I could sleep for days, depression, among other things: it’s been a crazy ride. I am so thankful to be seeing the other side of it. The greatest news of all is that I do not have to take radioactive iodine. The doctor felt confident that the cancer was completely contained in the thyroid. This was a huge relief! They will be keeping a close eye on everything to be sure my thyroid levels are correct and there is no reoccurrence of the cancer.
I must say I definitely struggled with some depression/ cabin fever. Being stuck in a hospital bed/ bedroom for days on end was not my idea of a fun time. At my lowest point, when I felt I would never get better and get back to normal, I was scanning through facebook. I saw a post someone had shared of this little girl with terminal cancer. It broke my heart. I quickly had a change of perspective! I was not stuck in a hospital for months, getting chemo and radiation. I was not a little girl who couldn’t comprehend why she felt so sick or couldn’t go out and play with her friends. I was not wondering whether or not I was going to survive this cancer.
My next thought went to spending two weeks in the NICU with Lawson. That was truly hell on earth and we only spent two weeks there. The triplets that Lawson shared a room with at one point had been there for over a month! The feeling of having no control over the health of your child is one of the scariest feelings in the world. I will gladly take any illness as long as my children are healthy!
These thoughts gave me a little perspective and got me out of my own head. It is so interesting how when bad things happen you either have one of two responses. Some people immediately go to the worst case scenario, draw in, struggle with depression, shut down. For other people, it really puts a perspective on life. They realize how truly blessed they are and appreciate what God has given them. I would like to say I always respond the second way but I think I probably go through the first response then come around to the second. But I always get there!
I feel like my heart may burst from all the love my family has received over the past month. All the people who prayed for us, brought us meals, checked on me in the hospital, called/emailed/texted me and my husband, watched Lawson, and loved on us are truly a gift from God! God also really blessed us with a wonderful nanny. Who has loved on my baby when I could not! That’s a pretty special gift! I have a few days before I’m cleared to resume life (back to normal) and I’m so ready!